The Bloggings of Ms. Rachel E. Milano

What man Judges Right and Wrong?

2008-02-07T05:29:00.000-08:00

Sometimes, when we are living this life, we get confused as to what makes something right and what makes something wrong... as I've mentioned before, pain is always a rod of indication... is the pain incurred to yield restoration or devastation... devastation not to be confused with destruction as destruction can be for the purposes of restoration... pain can result in all of these words. However, pain is not always an indicator of something bad or wrong. Pain, for example results from breaking an arm that did not heal well after it's first break... the purposes of the pain will yield restoration. Cutting one's arm off for stealing yields devastation the purpose is not for restoration... not even to a community... unless you kill that person, that person can steal with the other arm or rob you of your time... thus a thief remains a thief until his/her internal issues are appropriately dealt with in addition to his offenses. This is how we can clearly identify if something pain related is right or wrong. It is difficult to do considering we live in a highly visual world loaded with impressions which promote desensitization. Always research the consequences of any particular pain before inflicting it or judging it, this will change your perception of it's functionality and your accountability to it all together. More importantly, it will sharpen your sense of justice and truth, a balance we should all try to obtain more of. In all, always remember to love yourself unconditionally, beyond your pains, beyond your sorrows...

Next write, I'll share my findings on the effects of internal negative neutralization, something I uncovered while helping others over the years and has been a wonderful growth tool for myself and for them... Love and light to you all!

Opportunity.... BIG WORD!

2008-02-07T05:27:00.000-08:00

I've been thinking here as to the message I'd leave today and have decided to post on a most recent experience I've had and entitle this one... The Purpose of Opportunity ... It is more than meets the eye.

Short and sweet,... lol... I think...

Opportunity is presented at times for one to take hold of but it is also presented as an opportunity to realize a missed opportunity. Ever have that happen to you? Where some opportunity is presented to you and because of your resistance, or reluctance, you pass it back or dismiss it... then later, you look back on the positives related to it and realize you missed out on a great opportunity? Isn't that just the worst? Seemingly so huh?

Well, not to beat yourself up... grab the lesson from it and realize that while that opportunity was missed by you, it may simply have been a test of your faith or readiness for something greater still to come and thus it will likely come again and if it does, be ready to be bold and take hold of it. Remember, rather than pass it back to where it came from (Example: no, sorry, that's not for me...) PASS IT ON. That's right, take a moment to consider if someone else could use the opportunity you might dismiss or "return to sender"! :?}]

Thus for EVERY opportunity that crosses your path, consider why it is before you prior to passing it back. Is it there to help you transcend to something greater or set you back to something not so good for you? Is it there to show you later what could have been? OR Is it there so that you can contribute to it and make it an even greater opportunity for the person it is meant for???

A perfect example happened to me this past week, when I presented an opportunity to someone whom "the shoe didn't quite fit"... now this person could have done one of four things:

1) Dismiss it / Pass it back / "Return to sender"... so to speak.

2) Miss it.

3) Take up on the opportunity and endure whatever consequences.

4) Consider who could better use it and Pass it on.

This person chose to take it to heart and pass it on rather than pass it back. For that, I am fortunate and grateful.

I have a saying... It is truly a blessing to be blessed by the blessed... and I look forward to returning this grace of kindness in the future! It takes a genuine, considerate and deliberate heart to PASS IT ON rather than Pass it back.

OOoopsss... not quite as short winded as I had hoped... sorry.

In all you do, be well... love and light go with you all!
Ms. Rachel Milano

2008-02-07T05:25:00.002-08:00

Greetings All...

New Years day is a few days away... Now we take the time to reflect on the past year, goals desired, those accomplished and those still in the stages of unfolding.

Many folks will be talking of new years resolutions and making plans to never do certain things again. If you are one of those either planning to break or make a habit, here is something to consider... PLAN FOR ICY CONDITIONS... in other words, bridge may freeze before road... ever see that sign??? ... hmmm... maybe not so much in Savannah... but if you've been in colder parts of the country or driven through, it is a common sign. This visual can be applied in relation to internal wellness and transition or life transformation as well.

Be prepared for the fact that while you may deliberately try to alter some habit in your life, you may have days or moments where you falter or slip off the path of intent. This is human and acceptable. Allow yourself room to breathe and quickly regain control of your vehicle, so to speak.

So you slipped... so what... maybe you even spun clear around... you might even need the support of others to get you back on track and that's ok... don't reject the help when it comes 'round. If your change is for your good, never give up. The time is takes to acquire positive change in your life will never equal the time you have to apply that positive change throughout the remainder of your life. It is truely easier done than said... procrastination is a weak foundation to a well built home.

Give it some time... and give yourself ample time, even a caterpillar needs time to become a butterfly. Remember not to guilt yourself into believing you can't make it... as I always say... resolve yourself to acting deliberately.... until naturally... Love and light to you all... Ms.Rachel Milano

Edited by Ms. Rachel Milano on Dec 29, 2007 at 10:51 PM

Hindsight is 20/20?

2008-02-07T05:25:00.001-08:00

Written December 20, 2007
Hindsight is 20/20... ever heard that? Yikes! That is a dangerous statement... makes some wish they weren't born. I can never say hindsight is perfect but then hindsight is crucial in avoiding repeat offenses and countless future pains to self and others. So if hindsight is not 20/20 what is it? Hindsight allows you to see where you've been and discover what could have been done differently or to reinforce what was done positively.

Hindsight is a wonderful tool to sharpening your inner response network. There is nothing like being prepared to deal with a situation we know frequently occurs, if not, we are doomed to depositing the same negative reactions as before.

Then there is this... when you do a good deed, it is comforting to use hindsight to see that you are a wonderful and good work. It is self-motivating and reinforces your self worth. There is nothing wrong with seeing the goodness in yourself for edification and self love, which inspires you to do more.

Hindsight is the greatest tool we have for foresight. When we learn from hindsight how to be better prepared or see how to obtain positive results, then foresight becomes clearer, your direction and focus become more secure and you become a stronger you as a result.

To determine how to use hindsight to maximize foresight, you must apply Wisdom's insight... an inward look at what balances you. It is vital to Know the extremes you hold within yourself both positive and negative and modify them to find an inner balance so that when it comes time to apply hindsight to foresight it is done in the most beneficial way, positively impacting yourself and life around you.

Lastly, you find the strength to do this from the source of all life, for me, this is my divine creator, what is it for you? Always remembering... too much of a good thing can kill your goals, dreams and aspirations equally as much as too much of a bad thing. A good thing to remember during this shopping season where extreme spending can hinder our future plans. Love and light to you all...

Happy Verses Happiest...

2008-02-07T05:23:00.002-08:00

Happier verses Happiest. There are some days we wonder what will make us happiest, what place, time, person, or thing will make us happiest because the things of right now seem to barely satisfy the soul and so we remain thirsty for that place... that time in which we aspire as 'happiest' day/moment of life. Sometimes, the options we have don't lead to the happiest times, but we can weigh our options for which will provide a happiER living experience. Neither may be the best or most desirable option but of them we can opt for the one that will be most ENDURABLE, but making a concise and deliberate choice in those options will prevent feelings or regret or resentment from rearing their ugly heads later. Instead, you will look back and recall that the choice you made, thought not the best, was the best option at the time of the choice. So whatever the consequences of your decisions, you can face them head on without the distracting burden of self-guilting.

Remember, no choice is secure. All choices are only as secure as you are internally during the time in which you make the choice. If all things around you should fall, will still be able to find happiness? Could you reach within you and surface the finite joys of life knowing you still stand in the midst of the rubble? If you security lies within yourself, happiness always exists, what then can you make of it as you contribute to your surroundings.

In the end lovely people, it's about making wise decisions even if your options don't make you the happiest you've ever been or even if they may not be the best or most desirable options available to you at that given moment. Never allow the choices of the moment to dictate where you will find true happiness, rather, look inside at the unconditional love you have for self and know that it is the sound and secure soul that houses the greatest happiness in existence.

Love and light go with you all...
Ms. Milano

Forward Creation...

2008-02-07T05:23:00.001-08:00

Each moment of each day is added creation. We, are a people partaking in that effort, procreating with every breath we take... adding to the creative forces in our uniquely ordained ways.

If you could, take a moment to consider, that all life from the beginning of time has come up to this moment, inside of you... inside of each of us. All of creation has come up to this moment! It is amazing how far we've come not only as a people but as a world. The possibility that nothing exists beyond this moment seems impossible but in fact, as we evolve throughout this day, we are actively advancing through and with creation process, becoming the history of tomorrow.

By living deliberately, we consciously bring the past forward and compare it to prior knowledge, experience and ways of responding, so that we can determine how best to meld it with the present experience. Once we have responded, it is good to take a moment to reflect on what we have contributed to the new day, hour... moment. Living deliberately is the way in which we pause and consider how to positively impact our contribution to the next moment. It is so important for us all to realize that we are each woven together and my contribution and yours will directly impact each of our living experiences on a grand scale.

When we fall short of living deliberately, we DEFAULT to a subconscious living experience by responding based on our current state of survival which is simply our past brought forward. This leaves us to responding based on preconditioned behaviors, ideas, traditions and comforts. Some of these ways may be fine to live by but not so fine to develop and grow by (thrive). Slowing down or stretching the band with of time prior to making a decision in life or what is known as taking the next step, we give ourselves the opportunity to weigh the pros and cons of that next step. I like to say, this gives us a clearer vantage point on the circumstance we are faced with enabling us to weigh the appropriate and most effective response to the situation.

Doing this takes patience and grace given to ourselves and by the 'body', all of us. I challenge and encourage each of us to pursuit the passion of full participation in this our life creation. Living out your purpose in awareness with a conscious response to today will add to all of our abilities to thrive in this place in which we survive.

Love and light go with all...
Ms. Rachel Milano

The Funny Thing About Time...

2008-02-07T05:21:00.000-08:00

I woke up this morning thinking about each of you and just believing great things for you. Time, time... time... never seems to be enough time in 'our' mindsets... lol. I remember when I came back from Nigeria, we left Christmas morning and arrived in the US Christmas morning!

Funny thing about time, we operate in perfect time. That year was Y2K year, we raced home for fear we'd not get home if something happened with the Y2K scare. The kids were missing Christmas. We arrived in Holland before landing home in the US... the holiday decorations at that airport were most splendid! Like a fairy tail... kind of lifted the mood for the children, but for me, reminded me of what I was loosing in time. But when we got home, I decided... 'who says Christmas has to be on that day only?' so I planned Christmas for January 25th... I affixed a six foot felt tree cut out on the wall, placed a manger round it's base with wrapped presents. That morning I did everything just as I'd done every Christmas morning... the food was ready to eat, candles lit... the works... The kids didn't even notice it wasn't Christmas... traditional time... or that we didn't have a 'real' tree... for them it was perfect in real time.

So, sometimes, we worry about what, when and how we can achieve something in the amount of time we have and we stress or worry. Modest concern is good of course, but excessive worry can lead to illness and at least a loss of more time. If that is you, just remember, time is constant, never changing no matter how many times we set our clocks forward or back or even delay when we do... so when we get it done or when the expected thing arrives... it will be perfect time. Saying it is too soon or too late or whatever will certainly not change a thing... let us all steadfastly move forward and allow time to work with us rather than we working against time. Love and light... Ms. Milano

What About the Power of Prayer???

2008-02-07T05:17:00.000-08:00

A question I am asked about often...

Pprayer is commonly considered an act of spiritual connect to "God" or 'higher power". It is indeed a level of conscious and subconscious communication with a spiritual intent. The key word in the act of prayer that many miss, and consequently don't fully benefit from, is the word COMMUNICATION. Communication is a two way interaction. Message sent... message received... message communicated.

The wonder of prayer is it allows us to PROCESS a need, concern or desire on a universal level, rather than from the level of self. Much like we take our complaints to "the boss", "mom and dad", "the principle"... etc., we take it "beyond ourselves". Taking time to pray humbly centers our focus away from mindless actions and reactions and calls for a moment in time where we can regroup our internal being. Using our soul voice, we send a message, a prayer... "beyond our lower level self" (to some people this is not external) and we wait... sometimes impatiently and so we ask again... lol... but for some of us we wait for a RESPONSE from "beyond our lower level self" (some call this God others "my right mind", "Full awareness" etc.), others, do not wait. In either event, we will respond and we will be subject to the consequences, sometimes seemingly good and sometimes not as we thought it might be.

Remembering to do daily good deeds, it is a prayer of thanksgiving, to offer selflessly to one who is less fortunate in a particular area of their lives. This doesn't have to be a poor person, can even mean you give your time when one is sick... or lacking in some specific area where you can be of greater support. Yes, this is indeed an act of prayer. Taking time out to spontaneously to pray in the simplest form can achieve some of the most fulfilling blessings known, or what I call 'simple blessings' or 'small mercies'... they are to me known as "my morning dew"... where before the world has been awakened to what has happened, I have been blessed. In other words, it may not be showers alone that bring may flowers.

There is no better way to show our appreciation to the 'powers that be', 'God', 'the great spirit', 'all that is life'... etc., than to respect ourselves, unconditionally loving ourselves, through the positive out pouring of that which we took the time to deliver, obedient to the great inner voice of love and light within us all.

Blessed is the one who is blessed by the blessed....

Love and light...
Ms. Milano

A Quick Message from me to you...

2008-02-07T05:13:00.000-08:00

Life, it is hard. We have all had experiences good and bad alike. While it is wonderful to express the positives, let us not forget that our greatest lessons learned were gained from our negative experiences. I for one know how important it has been for me to incorporate good lessons from my not so good experiences in order to enhance my over all well being. I'd love to gain from the knowledge you've acquired living through both your pains and your gains.

Do all you can to live deliberately. Don't drift but rather realize what is happening to you through out the day. Something is sure to happen that will make you say... "Wow... I never thought of that." Perhaps it will be something you see or read that will offer greater insight to your life. Never discount the negatives life throws your way... buried in the crap lies a life lesson that will prove priceless... so love yourself, love yourself to death so nothing can hate you to death.

Keep your head up. There are things within you that you've been seeking to transform for the better. Commend yourself for your efforts and grant yourself the grace necessary to accomplish the change. Patience, understanding, reminding of one's self are all key things needed to convert old ways into new ways. Remembering to love yourself unconditionally and beyond your sorrows.

This is our journey as much as it is your journey and if along the way you should fall, let it be an opportunity for compassionate understanding, where I or someone able can reach out to you and offer you the support you may need to continue strengthened in your walk.

I do all things passionately and I give great effort to living deliberately. May I always respect, love and honor each of you ... deliberately for our good.

Love and light to you all!
Ms. Rachel Milano

What Stops YOU?

2008-02-07T04:57:00.000-08:00

Written: 10/31/2007
Greetings all...

Been a bit since I've sent out a message... lol... I think I say that often...lol. Any way, I thought I'd leave a message from my many lessons learned in life and hope that it helps you through out your personal journeys as well.

Do you remember the story of the person on the roof top in a flood who prayed to God to save him? Three rescuers went by and shouted out to the man to jump in and the man refused saying his God would save him, and then, when the man drowned and went to heaven God said he sent three rescuers to save him... you all may have heard this story several times, it was even told in the movie, The Pursuit of Happiness. So now I present a twist to a similar story in hopes that we all wash this story out of our minds for good!

Yesterday, a woman wrote into a radio station seeking help because she had been in a relationship where she became an enabler and victim to a man who was a crack addict, and for 20 years he abused her and the kids. I then heard the radio personalities tear into her about how "stupid" she was and pointing out all the things she ALREADY knew and felt PRIOR to writing in. She wrote in for HELP and got ripped into. Then I heard it... you've got to save yourself here!.... and I'm thinking.... WHAT?????????????????????????

Not that there is anything wrong with self reliance, but there comes at time when a person is disabled beyond their personal ability to help themselves and this woman had been drowning in this for 20 years... this situation required more and less than less was given.

So then I'm annoyed because, who the hell are they to say this? I instantly remembered the story of the man on the roof and what I learned from that. Let me change that story for one moment. Let us put this woman on the roof top in the story of the flood, only this time, when she is waiting for help from God... the rescuers think she is nuts and keep moving... which may have been what the rescuers in the first story passing by thought anyway... yet this woman had enough courage to write into the radio station for help, airing her dirty laundry to the whole nation. IF the radio station would have considered itself the true rescuers passing to help her... (and remember, there was plenty of time to plan help for her considering the letter was chosen and responded to prior to being aired on national syndicated radio) then what stopped them from actually helping? They presented the whole "JUMP!!!! OR YOU'LL DROWN" thing yes... but who of them got into the water to swim to the roof to save her? Who of them asked her if she could swim? Who of them that said she was crazy stopped and said... 'hey... wait... something is not right here... maybe we should let her know WE are sent from GOD to help her (if we are sticking to the whole story with the flood)' OR maybe, 'we realize she is unable to help herself simply by the things she says' and then decide to go in after her rather than blame her or laugh at her.

How easy it is for us as a people to stand in judgment of the person in crisis, blaming them for not finding the strength to get out of a situation. You can shout up to a man in a burning building five stories up... JUMP!!!!!! Having no idea that his lungs are filled with smoke which have made him delusional and he can barely hear every other word you speak. When he burns up we say ... 'he should have jumped... we told him to jump... we had a cushion down here for him.' Yet who called the fire and rescue, got the neighbors ladder, went into the building to assess his possibilities of escape, since he may not be in his right mind. It is so easy to judge and blame the victim of any situation. We are slow to judge if we did or are doing our best for the person requesting our help.

Yelling "GET OUT" to a victim is hardly what saves them. Why could that station not have said all they wanted and then say... 'but hey... you know what... even though we think you're crazy for staying with this man for 20 years, we've called the local AL-ANON and they are prepared to accept you into their program and further more, for the next one month, we have set it up for someone to pick you up and take you there. Not to mention, the local women in abuse shelter said they would be willing to help you, so stay on the line and let us see what we can do to turn things around for you.' How HARD would that have been?

I can prove in one thought how easy it would have been... let that man on the roof top or that woman writing in have been their child, young or grown, they wouldn't have thought twice about JUMPING in to rescue them rather than shouting JUMP! Even more... what if it was YOUR child? What would prevented you? FEAR... fear of loosing or spending something within ourselves that we did not plan to or feel the need to. Giving is hard for those who stand in judgment but when we step out of judgment and commit to the fullness of compassion through to the end, we always feel better about ourselves... like we gained more than the sacrifice. Yet... fear of getting involved... fear of needing to commit to helping someone... fear of discovering something about ourselves that we did not want to face or discovering that person may need us to extend ourselves past the crisis... fear of taking the time... and fear of having our help rejected... all this prevents us and so the easiest thing to do is fault them for not saving them selves. Telling someone to save themselves requires little of us and thus we feel no need to commit to involvement, seeing it through.

So through this situation, that radio station sent this kind message to victims across the nation ... If you can't trust that asking for help will get you any help, especially while mentally, physically and or emotionally you are too disabled by your circumstances to free yourself, then perhaps you'll be better off staying put, considering the world will just beat you up and send you back to your pit of destruction, if you dare ask for help. Who wants to be bothered?

I don't know... maybe I am just responding in my own frustration right now, but one thing I know, is we are all accountable for our rights and our wrongs. People don't have to suit our standard of living or belief system to be granted GRACE, mercy or our best efforts in sincere help. That is what I have learned and I hope others can gain from it.

Love and light to you all...

Ms. Rachel E. Milano

"There are no dead ends, only detours... and some are not so scenic." ... Ms. Milano

You Tube

2008-02-07T04:01:00.001-08:00

Greetings One and all...

I know it has been awhile... I could not recall my log in... However, here is my YouTube address for those who would like to visit there... http://www.youtube.com/MsRachelMilano I hope I can continue to offer wisdom's keys to all those who hear. I'll now attempt to post some of the blog messages I have out there in other parts of blog land here in this blog. Love and light to you all...

Perception: Part One

2007-03-04T08:29:00.000-08:00

This article is difficult for me because I have a message that is one hour long on it. So, to put such a major issue into a blog bottle is quite the challenge. Perhaps I will put it on CD for the general public sometime. Here is the close caption version of my take on perception, the mother of all balance.

Perception:
To Perceive
Consciousness
Grasp
Understanding
Recognition
feeling
Insight
Intuition
Sense
Sensitivity

Considering that we are all Mosaics (my usual allegory), our 'original' person inevitably suffers at life’s hand of negative impact/contribution. Experiences in life at times beat us up but we don’t have to allow them to beat us down. Instead, we can decide to view negative impacts/contributions as gems cased in mud. We must be willing to touch the negative sides of “self”. We accomplish this through Self Internal Examination, rather than issue abandonment or using self destructive additions to sedate the issues. This will enable us to recover a piece of ourselves once considered waste. Each negative experience/contribution presents an opportunity for us to extract from it the one or more positives buried / concealed within. After extracting the valuable lesson(s), we then discard the true waste, the concealing mud. What is the mud? Negative emotions, disdain, shame, guilt, fear, hatred, etc. We wash away the mud with tears of joy, sorrow, compassion. We then reassemble ourselves into something more valuable than the unbroken pieces. Once this happens, we gain healing and growth through strength, forgiveness and perseverance.

How important is perception? Extremely. The way in which we filter or process the cause and effects of life determines how and what we will gain or lose Mentally, Emotionally and Spiritually (MES) in life. Laws in society don’t change people, good internal processing (Healthy perception) transforms people. One must “Have a heart” towards change. In holistic emotional self recovery, which is what I share, it is vital to anticipate every experience, as for one’s over all good. INCORPORATE all things which yield a more productive living experiences. This perception allows us to keep the doors of internal communication open. Every issue or experience then remains open for acknowledgment, discussion, evaluation, critique, lesson extraction and resolution.

In my Part Two of this topic, I will discuss the importance of perception globally as well as break down how it is the mother of all balance. Our internal foundations effect our external observations and without healthy perception balance will not be achieved. Depending on the circumstances, we either internally house primarily positive energy, emitting higher levels of positive energy or house primarily negative energy and emit higher levels of negative energy. Healthy perception enables us to house both wisely so that we can emit both in balanced proportions. A healthy mind set or perception is the determining voice of one’s willingness to change, transform. Fear alters perception greatly because for a moment in time, we are seemingly driving in the dark, feeling as if we are blindly facing the unknown. This is why anticipating and being prepared for MES “black outs” is crucial to the process of reconditioning (see seminar work book for details). While in self recovery, it is key to keep our internal foundation as stable as possible and that takes deliberate effort and committed support.

Negative Impact
Any internal or external experience which manifest in the physical as negative impulses stemming from within our internal system. Our Internal system consists of our mental, emotional and spiritual well being.

Positive Impact
Any internal or external experience which manifest in the physical as positive impulses stemming from within our internal system. Our Internal system consists of our mental, emotional and spiritual well being.

Copyright 2006-2007 Ms. Rachel E. Milano of Kekoon Publishing

Feet... Glorious Feet!

2007-03-03T08:11:00.000-08:00

Why did I post a picture of my feet? These feet have brought me through a lot of shit. I realize that battles are won every day as nation is pined up against nation, tribe against tribe. I have fought countless fights as a survivor of childhood assaults. I’ve been wounded by long drawn out battles against starvation, rape, rejection, mental and emotional cruelty. Thus far, I have beaten the medical consequences of such criminal acts, putting the side effects of my past in remission.

Today I thrive as one who lives by the rod of “emotional reconstructive therapy”, Unconditional Love of Self. I am living proof that positive statistic are harvested out of crimes against children.

In a huge way, I am new to this world, this thing called life. I am happy to be free but my recovery is long term and yet has proven effective by the day. I am still standing and with this book I have written, the nakedness of my soul, I will run. These feet have brought me here. When I look down at them, I love and appreciate them. I thank God, but I appreciate these feet for bringing me through to this point. Now, I pamper them and I admire them for where they have been.

Life has schooled me, beaten me up but I can not be beaten down. I will struggle for a good part of my future reconditioning from the affects of victimism. I’ve a learning curve hard to match and with it I am soaking up this new world like a sponge. With me, expect the new, unique and unexpected. If there is a void, I will find it.

My story lends a unique perspective on victim recovery and offers a fresh look at the process. Today I have no reason to die and every reason to live. I hope I can be a living testament and an encouragement to all who read and hear my journey experience.

Reasons Verses Excuses

2007-03-02T05:46:00.000-08:00

I've been sharing with everyone my understandings and insights about victims and victim abusers. The question was presented to me in an e-mail from a reader, "Do you believe being a victim is an excuse for abusing people?" This article will reveal my belief on this.

The simple answer is no. Ones background does however provide an explanation as to what series of events led a victim to the point of being abusive. I believe there is a critical difference between having a reason for being abusive verses having an excuse for being abusive. Concerning abuse, there is ALWAYS a reason and rarely an excuse. Here is how I have seen this to be true.

From early childhood, we discover that it is worth it to make an effort to avoid punishment by giving plenty of reasons as to why we did something. Often times, if the parent sees that the reason is "reasonable enough", they will pardon the child, making the offense excusable and without further ado. While this may present the appearance of mercy, it does greater harm than good. Mercy is to provide leniency not dismissal. What happens is that the victim abuser becomes dependent on the mercy of others because they have mastered the ability to give good reason, one that you will pity them enough for, and thus they gain excuse. Another way these conditioning's are nurtured early on is through parental neglect. When a parent witnesses a child being verbally abusive and smiles, acts pleasantly shocked, slightly annoyed or blatantly gives the child authority or control over the situation. The child then secures their right to abuse which is affirmed in the parents lack of discipline and carelessly permissive response to the child's behavior.

Victim abusers, rely on the fact that giving enough reasons will render them unaccountable and hopefully not responsible. This leads victim abusers to believe they can basically "get away with murder". These individuals will first master this technique in their own homes, as a child or as an adult, and graduate to the general public, YOU! Again, using their keen sense of discernment, they will have the wit to know exactly which "card of reason" to play to win the psychological game of excuse, what I call "Wit it to win it."

Victim abusers do indeed have countless reasons for why they abuse others, but in the vast majority of abuse cases, there is no excuse! Victim abusers present their reasons which they believe should justify their actions. They will always direct you on two avenues of reason, what the other person did to trigger them or how their past triggered them, causing them to "snap" out of control (often times repeatedly). The key is to not allow the victim abuser to direct you at all. You take control of the steering because the patient is the passenger! You must be the reasonable eye, being slow to judgment but quick to safe and responsible action. Having been a victim of countless crimes against a human being, and lived to tell about it in a healthy way, I can attest to the fact that being a victim is not an excuse for being a victim abuser. A victim is only an abuser because they lack the deliberate will, determination, self love and inspiration it takes to FIGHT FOR THEIR LIVES! Some victim abusers have gone so far into the world of "the reason is because..." that they have grown to believed their "created realty" and have become a threat to themselves and society. In my opinion, these individuals must be confined from the general public and subjected to the medical treatment they need to get on the path of recovery. (see work book on recondition therapy for more details.)

When do I feel abuse is excusable? When an individual is clinically insane. There is help available for these individuals. There are many types of clinical insanity and one should seek help immediately for the person they feel is a danger to themselves or to those around them. Individuals who do not have a history if insanity may under go a trigger event that will thrust them into temporary or long term insanity. It should be noted, that premeditation IS POSSIBLE with a victim abuser who is experiencing clinical insanity. Even if these individuals should become medically treated with counseling and medication therapy so that they are reintroduced into family and society, they need constant monitoring to ensure they maintain in good standing with their treatment. Always be aware of the sings of insanity and be prepared to intervene on behalf of the individual in need. Never be afraid to seek help for yourself or someone else. The consequences for failing to do so could be devastating and have long term side effects.

Remember, help treat the Human BEING, get in the way (intervene), don't wait a day (take action), take time to pray (according to the faith you have been given).

When Victim Becomes Abuser

2007-02-28T19:51:00.000-08:00

The life of a victim has three paths: restoration, self-destruction, and social destruction. Those who develop mental and emotional strength and apply their abilities will restore to a healthier life style, managing positive and negative experiences well. These are what we call "former victims" or "Thriving Survivors", people who have been rehabilitated or reconditioned back into healthier living. These individuals are more likely to thrive in their society, contributing to it's overall good. While in early stages of recovery, it is easier to be targeted by a victim abuser as they can discern other people's wavering securities.

Those who exist in the path of self-destruction, will victimize themselves by either intentionally or subconsciously placing themselves directly in the path of abuse or inflicting internal and external abuse upon themselves such as guilty wallowing, self pitying, self condemnation, self mutilations, self inner abandonment, self imprisonment and self degradation. These individuals are prone to make unsafe choices and respond carelessly in their external environment. They are likely to be re-victimized reluctantly but willingly to validate their state of victimization and feelings of self worthlessness. People on this victim path will indulge in what I call "victimism", the new "ism", in which victims become addicted to the need to be a victim. They continuously wait to hop the next train of destruction, existing in fleeting moments of happiness and become greatly depressed with the absence of painful infliction in their lives. What's more, they will quickly and anxiously seek out individuals willing to subject them to emotional, physical or mental abuse. Such victims will be highly targeted by victim abusers but believe they can control the level of abuse they will be subjected to, "Putting up with this" but "Won't put up with that." These individuals will have a difficult time in healthy environments, boring easily and will often be instigators of "drama" when they experience "abuse withdrawal" or the environment is too stable making them feel unnatural or uncomfortable. It is highly probable that these individuals will "create realities" which are non existent but sustain them until a real abusive situation presents it self in their lives. A recovering victim often finds themselves straddling the fence of both types of victim behavior while struggling through the initial stages of recovery.

Finally, there are those who exist in the path of social destruction, who respond to life in anger, hostility, resentment, and spite. They feel the world owes them and is useless, deserving of great punishment similar or worse than they themselves received, even to the point of assigning themselves as the punisher. Projecting and extending their own pains onto others is the trigger finger of victim abusers. These victims become abusers seeking out prey weaker than themselves to ensure they can control the individual and their immediate environment. There is the added element of pleasure in knowing they have successfully made another feel their pain or better yet feel worse than their pain. It is my theory, that those who victimize animals can not find or identify humans weaker than themselves. Victim abusers are the most threatening type of victim. They are easily identifiable in their conversations about life and their views of the world. Any type of victim can cross over to this category, however there are certain internal and external breakdowns that must be present for that cross over to occur. (See "Love Thy Self" Recovery Tour for more details.)

What defines one to be weaker than another? An individual's level of self-respect, self-worth, vulnerability, isolation, dependency, resistance, mental development and the strength of one's immediate support. Victim abusers are keen and calculating with a strong sense of discernment. The gift of discernment is sharpened with the need to be hyper aware of one's surroundings. As a person's survival is threatened, their instincts to survive become mastered. Discernment is the sensory network of a beings instincts and can be stronger or weaker depending upon use (like a muscle). Without a heart of recovery, victim abusers will use their sharpened sense of discernment to identify and target potential victims. If the victim abuser feels they themselves were innocent when victimized, they will likely target weak innocent individuals. If they feel they have always been a vessel for repeated abuse by others, they will likely target individuals who they feel "are there for that anyway", people who are frequently re-victimized.

The vital thing to remember, is that just as easily as you can spot a victim abuser, they can spot you, your strengths, weaknesses and vulnerabilities, in fact, they may even spot you more easily. This gives them the knowledge necessary to morph, temporarily changing into the person you need to fill your void. If they can provide you that which you lack, the victim abuser will have successfully primed you for attack. Other's will not even bother going through the stalking of their prey and cease the moment of attack, violently and often brutally.

When it comes to victimization there are not two separate types of humans, victims and abusers, rather there is one humanity with two distinct internal identities, victim and victim abuser. This becomes a question of which came first, the victim or the victim abuser? Since abuse is a result of failed recovery from victimization, the victim comes first. Then one would ask, how does the victim come first if the victim must first be abused? There in lies the evidence of its dual identity. Can one be a victim and an abuser at the same time? Yes, in fact that falls under the law of give and take which we all naturally abide. All living creatures roaming earth have the ability and likely hood of being both victim and abuser to varied extremes. One can abuse themselves and thus be a victim of self inflictions and then as in many cases of failed recovery the individual will lash out on others becoming an internal and external victim abuser.

I will use myself as an example of lower level victim abuser: When I was a child, I often went without food, at times, to the point of starvation. I stole food and gambled for food in school. Stealing is an offense against an owner, however, had I not stolen the food, would I have survived? Later, as I got older and even into adulthood, I was still stealing (sneaking) food. I was no longer hungry but I was abusing rights and access to food. I would baby sit in another person's house and steal the food. I wasn't hungry, I just found myself doing it. I have since successfully reconditioned this behavior with love and understanding for myself, however, this is an example of my first having been a victim of starvation and then later abusing my rights to food.

The heart of recovery is what determines how we respond to victimization. Will I become a former victim of "this or that?" or will I become a victim abuser of "this or that?" What is the heart of recovery? The willingness to have and develop Unconditional Love of Self. The common denominator for all victim behavior is hatred. The common denominator for all former victim behavior is love. We need to love ourselves to death so that no one can hate us to death. Hear more about this and other recovery issues by registering for a "Love Thy Self" Recovery Tour.

Copyright 2006-2007, Ms. Rachel E. Milano

Sick of "Leting go" Part Two

2007-02-28T06:17:00.000-08:00

Is there anything we can do to deactivate the holding effects individual traumas have on us? YES! Many of us have heard about "embracing your pains" or "Letting go of your past" I disagree with both of these recovery concepts. I believe they both pacify rather than respectfully address the issues which often have long term holds on us emotionally, mentally and result in enormous physical consequences such as illnesses related to stress. Further more, these so called recovery concepts leave the individual in the victim state and hold them suspended in the conditioning of fault and guilt. Maintaining such presence in society and in one's personal surroundings can result in the individual responding in duress to circumstances which could greatly effect or alter their emotional, mental and physical freedoms.

Here are my "Holistic First Aid Steps to Soul Recovery". (This is not the answer to complete recovery, it is my first aid outline. To benefit from the complete plan of recovery, please register to attend a "Love They Self" Recovery Tour.) It is strongly suggested that you sit down with a piece of paper and write your response to each step as you go. You may do this alone but I recommend doing this with a close friend or recovery mentor who can lend support while you work through your recovery. This helps with emotional control, attentiveness, reflection and organization of thought. If you find that you are unable to bring your emotions under control, seek the help of a professional immediately.

1) Above all, no matter how badly you feel about yourself and your situation, you must place loving yourself above every circumstance and emotion. Protect yourself and be sure your environment is safe and enables you to take these initial steps of recovery. NEVER respond to your pain with further injury to yourself! Be prepared to forgive yourself for any negative consequences resulting in your impulse response to the effects of your injury. Be prepared to forgive the effects of the initial injury as you go through the process of recovery. Finally, be prepared to forgive your abuser for inflicting the injury upon you WHILE retaining your right to hold them accountable and responsible for the initial assault.

2) Truthfully identify and acknowledge that you have been injured and in how many places you have been injured. (mentally, emotionally and or physically)

3) Clean the wound so that you can determine the severity of your injury. This means after a reasonable time of "impulse reaction time" (crying, shouting, screaming, or verbally communicating your pain) you need to compose yourself, calm down and look at your issue in as controlled a manner as possible. Ask yourself, "Where are you hurt? How bad is it?" Answer the questions, don't just ask them.

4) Isolate the cause and effect of the injury. Find the initial cause: This happened to me because... (assign blame to the situation and victim abuser not to yourself). Effect: _________ is happening to me as a result of this injury to me. (List the consequences resulting in the effect of initial injury and identify the extended effects of those consequences. Accountability and responsibility for serial consequences will be shared by the victim abuser and the victim.)

There are perspectives of approach in doing this, either achieves the same results. One is called the "Pull and Peal" process. To pull up the root of your pain by pealing back the series of effects so that they can be identified and you can deal with the extent of initial injury.

For example: You can list your most current issue first if your not sure what the initial injury was that resulted in you being in your current situation... I sleep a lot and my parents feel I am taking advantage of them, which resulted because I moved in with my parents, which resulted because I quit my job, which resulted because I hate myself, which resulted because I secretly had an abortion, which resulted because I was impregnated, which resulted because I was raped. Cause and Effect established.

The second perspective of approach is called the "Get Bone Deep" process. This process starts from the initial wound and digs down through the layers of impact to determine the extent of injury.

For Example: You can list your initial injury first if you feel you know what issue which resulted in your being placed in your current situation ... I was raped, as a result I was impregnated, as a result I had an abortion, as a result I hate myself, as a result I quit my job, as a result I moved in with my parents, as result I sleep a lot and my parents feel I am taking advantage of them. Cause and Effect Established.

5) EACH cause and effect which was broken down must be given individual attention, forgiveness, accountability, responsibility and proper placement within your being. You must deliberately work it out, work it through, and incorporate it. How do you do this? Discover what the lessons to be learned are. List the positive lesson(s) and the negative lesson(s) for each cause and effect. Both positive and negative lessons WILL absolutely be existent.

6) Incorporate the lessons! Don't "embrace" or "let go" of a thing! Incorporate it! Once you incorporate, the hold will dissipate naturally and the emotional, mental and physical impacts will transform dramatically and permanently for your well being.

7) Apply the lessons as you engage in the process of reconditioning... see work book for more details.

When you eat food, your body takes the good with the bad and processes the food, breaking it down and excreting the waste. IF you can not excrete the waste, your body will endure great stress and pain... (constipation). A blockage will form that can become so severe that it risks your very life, sometimes requiring surgical removal. This is similar to the process of emotional recovery. When you are injured, your body takes on something to be digested or processed through it's entire system (mentally, emotionally, physically and even spiritually). If you do not properly process or digest the impacts of injury, tending to only parts of the whole wound, you will as a result begin the blockage process as opposed to excreting the waste and digesting the lessons, this extends and adds further trauma to one's individual attempt at recovery.

Humans are a part of a total evolving creation. Part of how we evolve in to stronger, wiser, healthier human beings is through our ability to process/digest new experiences and information and our ability to moderate, adjust, and manage positive and negative experiences. I hope this information is of good value to you, apply it, try it out on your minor cuts and scrapes, if it works for you, apply it to your larger wounds.

Copyright 2006-2007 Ms. Rachel E. Milano

Using The Bible Belt

2007-02-27T06:53:00.000-08:00

Do you wear a belt? Some people who wear a belt use it to abuse children, others do not. Do you? This article is to bring attention to all those who use their bible belts to abuse children. Now, maybe you wear a bible belt and do not beat on the spiritually young and wounded but if you do, this article is for you!

I write and speak to one's total wellness not for one's spiritual wellness alone. If your emphasis is solely on the spiritual wellness of others please start your own blog and tell the world about it. Just remember, that while it is wonderful to be spiritual, we are spiritual human beings who remain in a carnal body that needs attending to as much as our spiritual essence does. In fact, Jesus thought it was so important that the carnal be well prior to spiritual enlightenment that he healed body, mind and then spirit and as a result acquired converts, not false converts like countless Christians of today, but true believers. He knew the importance of complete well being and was always attentive to the carnal needs of those with whom he spoke, to the point of multiplying loaves of bread and fish because there was none and he wanted to provide nourishment for them... complete nourishment... again attending to the body, mind and spirit. He knew that in order for we carnal people to reap the rewards of the spiritual we must be well in the physical. Even the disbelievers who were listening ate of that food, the spiritual and physical food that were and are still being provided.

If we were meant to live in the spiritual only, carnal existence would have ended with the resurrection of Christ, however, it did not! While we are forgiven, we are yet carnal and we must take complete care of the temple within and the temple of the external. We are made free in him, as Christianity teaches, He is the forgiver of the sins of the World as it also teaches, and yet... we remain carnal while on this side of life, still forgiving the sins of those who sin against us even though he already forgave them and us. Understanding your faith is one thing, applying it in a wholesome and rewarding way is a whole other thing. Remember that.

You need to be aware, before removing your bible belt to lay into another believer or an unbeliever, that not every struggling survivor is a bible believer, just as not every Jew, Gentile and Pagan who sat to hear the message of Christ was a Christian. Therefore, I choose to present my message of Unconditional Love as if everyone were an unbeliever regardless of what I personally believe spiritually. I hammer no religious point of view, my belt remains strapped at all times and I will never raise it against the wounded souls seeking to have their voices heard, respected and healed. But I will not hesitate to raise my voice in their defense towards anyone who chooses to remove their bible belt and begin lashing into the already wounded! If you want to convert people to your presumed truth, you dont' need to punish, threaten or abuse them, love casts out all fear and embraces the weak in AS IS CONDITION. I will not stand by and allow anyone to cause further affliction to those who are seeking light from their darkness, water for their drought, food for their hunger, clothes for their nakedness and healing for their pain. I polish the pews He puts them in the seats. This is the way I have been led and you don't have to agree with it nor do you have to approve of it, a force higher than either of us has me here, go to the source with your complaint. If you'd like to email me personally I would be happy to reply three questions you may have as to how my message aligns with Christianity or any other faith based belief for that matter.

Any article which I post or message which I share in audio or writing is there for all mankind to hold up to the traditions and faiths with which they abide. Test it according to your teachings and use it for your personal development. According to Christianity, you are to judge the fruit not the seed, so I request that you be patient for the fullness of any message to present it self as good or bad fruit. The time which that takes maybe short or it may be after your passing, which is why, as a Christian, you are instructed to be slow to judgment and withhold condemnation of any kind. In other words, use your bible belt to suspend your faith and do not fashion it into a weapon of mass destruction upon the weak and defenseless, that is just plain old abuse of purpose and a form of emotional sadism.

Copyright 2006-2007 Ms. Rachel E. Milano

Sick of "Leting go" Part One

2007-02-24T20:16:00.000-08:00

I have a wish. I wish people would stop telling other's to let go of the past. What on God's green earth kind of advice is that? The whole "Letting go" phenomenon must come to an end. There is no letting go of the past! To try and convince people to do so is not only self destructive to the victim but to our society as a whole. How do you let go of something that has a hold on you? Let someone grab you by the neck and you tell yourself to let go of their arms because they are trying to choke the life out of you. It doesn't work like that. The hold must let go first before you stop defending your life and responding with cries out in pain! You will naturally let go once the hold on you is released. Can the victim do anything to help release that hold? Yes, as I will discuss in my next article. However, must we continue to fault the victim for failing to recover because they won't let go? The past contributes to our future, our future as a people.

I remember when I experienced the whole "forgive and let go" "process", it seemed so simple, all I had to do was do it. So, I put on a happy out look on life. I even wore a smile that could raise the dead and when asked how I was doing, I impressively responded, "Great, everything is just wonderful!" My internal self was decaying and all my external presentation, my going through the motions of wellness, was not helping me but making me feel like a fake and a liar not only to myself but to everyone I spoke to. I was NOT okay! I was still hurting, still being eaten alive by the pains of my past, which because of their devastating impact, were not solely my past but my present as well. The people around me though, they felt better about me and for me. I was smiling, laughing and saying positive things, so I guess I was doing fine in their eyes. Right? Making them feel comfortable and without felling the obligation of being responsive to my needs. This "forgive and let go" delusion is for the benefit of those who are not suffering, not for the struggling survivor. It is not to make things easier for the suffering but easier for the non suffering to manage the smell of emotional decay in their presence!

Who is telling victim abusers to let go of their past so that they can move on in their lives and have better days free of guilt and shame? Who is telling them to let go of their past offenses and get over their impulses to further abuse? Are we not holding the victim abuser accountable, responsible? Then it is our responsibility as leaders and people of support to encourage emotional self defense training, genuine recovery, internal repair, and "complete being rebuilding" rather than passive resistance and futile attempts at ignoring or burying the past. Dismissing the past is not the answer for victim or abuser. Out of sight is not out of mind for the abused. The "Forgive and Let Go" process is nonsense, and shame on any organization or leader that supports such foolish counsel! The advice to think and speak positively about life, and "just let go" is dangerous and creates victims of false recovery. Please, let's stop adding to the crimes against struggling survivors. These individuals do not want to learn how to pacify themselves, they want to know how to heal, how to become a valued part of life. Let's be willing to provide just counsel and put and end to pacification.

Copyright 2006-2007 Ms. Rachel E. Milano

Unconditional Love of Self

2007-02-23T10:40:00.000-08:00

This is the picture my adopted parents saw when looking through the profiles of kids available for adoption. This picture was taken in 1983 when I was ten years old. The road to recovery from childhood abuse, neglect, repeated sexual assault, and domestic violence is long and often leaves us struggling with discipline, fear, guilt and shame. I am in the process of lifetime physical, emotional, and spiritual recovery from the pains I endured throughout my youth.I have been able to challenge myself throughout a large part of my recovery process.

Throughout the years, I have shared with others how I manage to be alive and, most recently, how I live a more thriving life. Through deep discussion with men and women who have suffered abuse similar to what I have endured, I have discovered a consistent message that has helped each of them.

Unconditional love of self.

When I explain how to implement this process, those who do, reap it’s rewards and witness positive changes in their lives. When I speak it is to share a holistic approach to emotional wellness. I’ve spent thousands of hours talking to suffering survivors online and on the phone at all hours of the night, and even in grocery store lines, sharing this message that has consistently been successful. The biggest result has been in myself!

I thought about how much easier it would be to speak to all these people in one big room. How many more people I could reach! How many more adoptive parents, therapists and school authorities! Maybe I could even get some more sleep! I plan to help people seek support by all means necessary, starting from within themselves. My books not only unfold my recovery process, but they also attest to the fact that I can indeed relate to the victim, the survivor, and the thriver. Through my own experiences and recovery, I can share with others how to love themselves unconditionally and how to enjoy a healthier, more prosperous life! My seminar outlines this process for everyone:

* Identifying your SOUL and it’s over all function.

* Identifying the fractions of your soul.

* Identifying the fractures of your soul.

* Identifying the pros and cons, AKA: the positive and negative conditioning of your soul.

* Identifying your most common self abuses.

* Creating a plan of action to recover from victim conditioning.

* Identifying the Condition Pairing Program. (Pairing up positives against negatives to cancel out the negative.)

* Learning to extract positive lessons from negative experiences.

* Learning to depend on the positive to generate more positive.

* Applying the new positives to the old to achieve growth!

Visit my web site at www.kekoonpublishing.com for more information about the "Love They Self" Recovery Tour.

Copyright 2006-2007 Ms. Rachel E. Milano

Coming out of my Kekoon!

2007-01-15T17:29:00.000-08:00

It took me eighteen years and four attempts at writing this book. I now discover not only the story I am living but the purpose of my life. The miracle of life is revealed differently for each person and yet as a people we share a common challenge, emotional healing.

The Mosaic Trilogy depicts a unique perspective of my process of healing. I am The Mosaic and I share my autobiography in hopes that those who struggle daily with the healing process will use it as a reflective tool for support and encouragement. It takes more than surviving the traumatic impact of hurtful experiences in our lives to live.

Becoming whole again is to challenge ourselves through the restoration process with the unconditional healing love of self, so that we may obtain something beyond our existence, a thriving life.

At one time or another, each of us is shattered by the elements of life and when we find the strength to love and forgive we lay down the pieces and begin to assemble our individual Mosaics. A Mosaic is unique, beautiful, creative, mysterious and alive, telling a story bound in time. A mosaic holds more value than it’s original image and if we don’t build it and place a real value on it, no one else will.

The Mosaic Trilogy challenges you to come close and see all the shattered pieces, then stand back and appreciate the fullness of restoration. Journey a mile in my shoes as I live, discover and heal through the shattering effects life has on my soul.

Please visit me on line at www.kekoonpublishing.com to find out more about where I've been, where I am and where I am going. Don't Miss the celebration of my life, April 14, 2007!

Copyright 2006-2007 Ms. Rachel E. Milano