What Stops YOU?

Written: 10/31/2007
Greetings all...

Been a bit since I've sent out a message... lol... I think I say that often...lol. Any way, I thought I'd leave a message from my many lessons learned in life and hope that it helps you through out your personal journeys as well.

Do you remember the story of the person on the roof top in a flood who prayed to God to save him? Three rescuers went by and shouted out to the man to jump in and the man refused saying his God would save him, and then, when the man drowned and went to heaven God said he sent three rescuers to save him... you all may have heard this story several times, it was even told in the movie, The Pursuit of Happiness. So now I present a twist to a similar story in hopes that we all wash this story out of our minds for good!

Yesterday, a woman wrote into a radio station seeking help because she had been in a relationship where she became an enabler and victim to a man who was a crack addict, and for 20 years he abused her and the kids. I then heard the radio personalities tear into her about how "stupid" she was and pointing out all the things she ALREADY knew and felt PRIOR to writing in. She wrote in for HELP and got ripped into. Then I heard it... you've got to save yourself here!.... and I'm thinking.... WHAT?????????????????????????

Not that there is anything wrong with self reliance, but there comes at time when a person is disabled beyond their personal ability to help themselves and this woman had been drowning in this for 20 years... this situation required more and less than less was given.

So then I'm annoyed because, who the hell are they to say this? I instantly remembered the story of the man on the roof and what I learned from that. Let me change that story for one moment. Let us put this woman on the roof top in the story of the flood, only this time, when she is waiting for help from God... the rescuers think she is nuts and keep moving... which may have been what the rescuers in the first story passing by thought anyway... yet this woman had enough courage to write into the radio station for help, airing her dirty laundry to the whole nation. IF the radio station would have considered itself the true rescuers passing to help her... (and remember, there was plenty of time to plan help for her considering the letter was chosen and responded to prior to being aired on national syndicated radio) then what stopped them from actually helping? They presented the whole "JUMP!!!! OR YOU'LL DROWN" thing yes... but who of them got into the water to swim to the roof to save her? Who of them asked her if she could swim? Who of them that said she was crazy stopped and said... 'hey... wait... something is not right here... maybe we should let her know WE are sent from GOD to help her (if we are sticking to the whole story with the flood)' OR maybe, 'we realize she is unable to help herself simply by the things she says' and then decide to go in after her rather than blame her or laugh at her.

How easy it is for us as a people to stand in judgment of the person in crisis, blaming them for not finding the strength to get out of a situation. You can shout up to a man in a burning building five stories up... JUMP!!!!!! Having no idea that his lungs are filled with smoke which have made him delusional and he can barely hear every other word you speak. When he burns up we say ... 'he should have jumped... we told him to jump... we had a cushion down here for him.' Yet who called the fire and rescue, got the neighbors ladder, went into the building to assess his possibilities of escape, since he may not be in his right mind. It is so easy to judge and blame the victim of any situation. We are slow to judge if we did or are doing our best for the person requesting our help.

Yelling "GET OUT" to a victim is hardly what saves them. Why could that station not have said all they wanted and then say... 'but hey... you know what... even though we think you're crazy for staying with this man for 20 years, we've called the local AL-ANON and they are prepared to accept you into their program and further more, for the next one month, we have set it up for someone to pick you up and take you there. Not to mention, the local women in abuse shelter said they would be willing to help you, so stay on the line and let us see what we can do to turn things around for you.' How HARD would that have been?

I can prove in one thought how easy it would have been... let that man on the roof top or that woman writing in have been their child, young or grown, they wouldn't have thought twice about JUMPING in to rescue them rather than shouting JUMP! Even more... what if it was YOUR child? What would prevented you? FEAR... fear of loosing or spending something within ourselves that we did not plan to or feel the need to. Giving is hard for those who stand in judgment but when we step out of judgment and commit to the fullness of compassion through to the end, we always feel better about ourselves... like we gained more than the sacrifice. Yet... fear of getting involved... fear of needing to commit to helping someone... fear of discovering something about ourselves that we did not want to face or discovering that person may need us to extend ourselves past the crisis... fear of taking the time... and fear of having our help rejected... all this prevents us and so the easiest thing to do is fault them for not saving them selves. Telling someone to save themselves requires little of us and thus we feel no need to commit to involvement, seeing it through.

So through this situation, that radio station sent this kind message to victims across the nation ... If you can't trust that asking for help will get you any help, especially while mentally, physically and or emotionally you are too disabled by your circumstances to free yourself, then perhaps you'll be better off staying put, considering the world will just beat you up and send you back to your pit of destruction, if you dare ask for help. Who wants to be bothered?

I don't know... maybe I am just responding in my own frustration right now, but one thing I know, is we are all accountable for our rights and our wrongs. People don't have to suit our standard of living or belief system to be granted GRACE, mercy or our best efforts in sincere help. That is what I have learned and I hope others can gain from it.

Love and light to you all...

Ms. Rachel E. Milano

"There are no dead ends, only detours... and some are not so scenic." ... Ms. Milano